(Source: kristinapashkevitch)

Summer is over, that’s a real bitch to say. (actually not really.)

I finished the first week of my senior year and honestly, i’m having a blast. I could not ask for a better schedule, i have an unreal amount of friends in every class and i love every teacher but one. Everyone seems to be getting along, all the seniors are coming together and it’s the coolest thing that could happen. I’m happy, so so happy.

I’m starting to rekindle old friendships that almost died out and making peace with people I honestly never thought I would ever speak to again. Everything seems to be falling into place.

I have a job, scratch that.. I have two. The hours are long, the pay sucks but I’m having the time of my life.

My friends and I are on the executive board for Health Careers, a club i signed up for last year and forgotten about. Now, we’re in charge of making fliers, recruiting freshmen, making banners, and speaking at back to school night, i’m not sure where that came from. 

I’m a peer leader, and i take so much pride in that it’s almost embarrassing.

I want to do everything this year. I’m joining class counsel. I cannot cannot cannot wait for powder puff to start. I’m good friends with a lot of my old teachers.

I’m sad this is my last year but i’m determined to make the absolute most of it. I’m scared because i still don’t know what i want to do with my life.

I’m happy. I’m excited. I’m every fantastic synonym you can think of.  

you make me sick.

I don’t just want her, I want to be her.

no explanation needed.

for the first time in a long time i can actually say i’m okay and mean it. i can think of the good in my life and smile, i can look past what’s bad and ignore the imperfections. i can call my best friend when i need help or someone to talk to, i can text my ‘friendboy’ when i need someone to cheer me up, i can talk to my mom when i have no where else to turn and i can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with the person that i am.

such corny realizations but hey, i’m having a good day today. 

there is so much drama lately and for once, none of it is mine- but i can’t help but feel like i’m involved in it. i haven’t written in a while, i guess i just had nothing to say. no, that’s a lie, i’ve had so much to say. let me vent. 

1. i always say i don’t hate anyone, but lately i think i might be wrong. i hate you, so much. you make me sick to my stomach. the things you do and say make me so angry. you’re so full of yourself it makes me want to scream. you think you can treat people anyway you want, you abuse the only people that care. the people you surround yourself with now, they don’t care about you- don’t kid yourself. 

2. i hate that you act like you don’t care about anything, i know you do. i hate that you’re throwing something good away because it’s not exactly how you pictured it when not too long ago, it was all you could think about. i hate that i’m watching you turn into someone i can’t stand, it makes me sick. 

3. i hate the way you talk to me, i’m not a dog- don’t talk to me like i’m beneath you. i’m pretty fed up with you and your bullshit, and i have been for a while. thankfully, everyone else is starting to see exactly what i’ve seen in you for a long time now. 

4. you’re nothing more than a follower and i cannot stand it. i try to see the good in you- i know it’s there but i’m sick of waiting for you to man up and be your own person again. 

5. i miss you, a lot. i think about you all the time. it makes me sad to know that nothing will ever be the same between us. you were one of the few people that i knew i could count on no matter what, i know you’re still that person but it’s different now. i’m glad you’re happy though, maybe you’ll start missing me soon and want to talk to me again- i hope you do but i won’t hold my breath. 

but i’ve lost all motivation to do so. 

I have so much to say, but i’m not sure how to.

I have a problem, but i’m not sure who to turn to. 

I feel like i’m making a mistake, but i can’t help but wonder what’ll happen if i don’t go for it. 

I feel like i have a real chance to be happy, but i’m scared it’s too good to be true. 

obsessed.